If you invite the nearby shack-dwelling lady to use your facilities, don’t be surprised when she pilfers your ham, pork chops and bacon.

Man Reports Woman Used His Bathroom Then Stole Meats From His Refrigerator

A Winder man reported he let a woman enter his residence to use the bathroom and she repaid the favor by helping herself to meats from his refrigerator.
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[T]he complainant said he had let the woman in to use his bathroom and then heard her open his refrigerator before leaving. When the man checked, he noticed ham, pork chops and bacon missing.
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The resident told police he knows the woman from the neighborhood as she was living in a shack behind a house nearby.

10/26/11 Various cuts of meat were reported stolen from a freezer in an unsecured garage Oct. 26. Among the missing meat: one chuck roast, two eye-of-round roasts, 10 pork chops and possibly a whole ham. (Parma Heights, OH)

11/08/11 A Colt semiautomatic handgun, a Remington 12-gauge shotgun, two Ruger revolvers, two loaded speed loaders for a revolver, two gun cleaning kits, two boxes of 12-gauge bird shot, one box of buckshot, one box of deer slugs and one box of Hamburger Helper mix belonging to Michael D. Lee were stolen and a door was damaged at a home in New Cambria between 8:30 a.m. and 4 p.m. Monday; $1,311 loss and damage. (Salina, KS)

This situation is so baffling because what kind of person a) turns down free meat, and b) starts shooting up the joint after turning down free meat?

Clearly this gentleman just does not care for pork chops.

Man Threatens Neighbor with Shotgun After Turning Down Offer of Pork Chops

Burciaga and Cobb had encountered each other at their mail boxes and Cobb had offered Burciaga some pork chops to have for his dinner later…

Burciaga declined the offer and when Cobb allegedly persisted, Burciaga pushed Cobb away and the two got into a brief physical altercation. [T]he altercation ended and both men returned to their respective homes.

Approximately one minute later, Cobb was outside of his home working on his motorcycle when Burciaga came out of his home with a shotgun. As Burciaga walked towards Cobb, he fired one shot into the air and then pointed the gun at Cobb, stating he would shoot him…

01/04/11 Stringfield Road: A three-ton air conditioner was among items taken during a burglary to a residence between 6 p.m. Sunday and 5:51 a.m. Monday. Also taken were an unknown quantity of meats, pork chops and fish. (Huntsville, AL)

12/23/10 Theft at the 600 block of Hazelwood Road on 12/23 at 6:39 a.m.—Unlocked garage was entered—a ham and a pound cake were stolen from the freezer. (Haverford, PA)

12/06/10 An independent salesman who distributes meat for Chef’s Choice went to a sales call at Portland Court apartments on Nov. 1. The salesman brought three cases of meat with a total value of $600. A woman in one apartment tried to call in an order to verify her food-stamp account but could not get phone service inside. The salesman went outside, made the phone call and determined that the woman’s account had insufficient funds. He tried to go back inside, but the woman would not let him in. (Irondequoit, NY)

If any readers happen to work for Schwinn or another fine manufacturer of bicycles, we would be interested in proposing a limited edition Meat Crimes branded getaway bike.

Pork Chop Thief Makes Bicycle Getaway

Fort Pierce police were called to a burglary at the Bangkok restaurant on Orange Avenue in downtown early Tuesday morning. The owner of the restaurant told police someone had broken in and stolen $400 and two pieces of meat.

Police said an officer had seen Conte riding a bicycle and carrying two Smithfield center cut pork chops in a recycling bin earlier that morning.

Matthew’s parents says PWS makes their son steal food then hide out and eat it. The Hummels have dozens of locks on freezers, refrigerators and cupboards, and even have alarms on windows and doors. The Hummels say Matthew can’t control his actions. He’s even started going into neighbors’ houses to get food and even going through trash.

“We threw a package of freezer burned pork chops out,” said Travis. “We threw them in the trash and he found them about a week later… and he ate that. I mean, pork — raw pork.”

07/14/10 A 34-year-old transient was charged with petty theft after he tried to steal $28 worth of steaks and pork chops by stuffing them down the front of his pants about 5:15 p.m. Thursday at the Publix at 985 Atlantic Blvd. (Atlantic Beach, FL)

7/10/10 Shawn M. Cunningham, 22, was arrested for shoplifting at 11:31 p.m. Thursday after an incident at the downtown Giant Eagle. According to a report, an employee saw Cunningham take three packs of steaks and put them down the front of his pants. After allegedly taking the items, Cunningham reportedly left the store toward the parking lot. Officers stopped Cunningham near the front of Riverview Florist, and the items were still stuffed down the front of his pants, the report indicates. (East Liverpool, OH)

07/07/10 Police are looking for a man who stole meat from the Madison Street Kroger and pulled a knife on the manager. At about 4:30 p.m. Monday, an employee at the store saw the man stealing meat, according to a Clarksville Police Department report.

The manager approached and began escorting the shoplifter to the front of the store. The shoplifter lifted his shirt and dropped some of the meat from his clothing, then pulled out a knife and told the manager to let him go, the report said.

The shoplifter walked out, trailing meat behind him, and ran away. (Clarksville, TN)

Congratulations to South Dakota on its first Meat Crime entry!

05/11/10 Residents of Lee Fort Terrace told police they were waiting for a food order from Sammy’s Roast Beef when a woman wearing a black leather jacket with “Pizza” on the back came into the apartment and took $21 from one of them. The group thought it was the delivery person who was now going to bring in their food, but she never returned. A few minutes later, a man from Sammy’s came to deliver their order. (Lee Fort Terrace, MA)

05/11/10 Police are investigating the apparent burglary Saturday of a home at 49 East Cajun Place that ended with the arrest of a 31-year-old Sioux Falls man on a charge of unlawful entry.

David Lee Morris was found sleeping on the resident’s couch just after midnight Saturday, police spokesman Sam Clemens said. Morris told police he’d paid a person he did not know $40 to sleep on the couch. The resident returned home and found Morris, as well as several empty cans and bottles of beer discarded throughout the home.

After Morris was taken to jail, the resident then reported that several items were missing in the home, including prescription medication, a pair of jeans, collectible coins and a dozen frozen pork chops. (Sioux Falls, SD)

01/13/10 A woman from the 18000 block of Cruzon Grade Road reported someone had tried to pry open a Conex box. She also found a generator door open and the keys to her Toyota 4Runner were missing. She said last month someone stole bacon and whipping cream from an outdoor cooler. She was concerned there was a prowler in the neighborhood. (Nevada City, CA)

01/10/10 A Gastonia man is accused of trying to take pork chops and liver mush without paying for them local grocery store.

According to a citation, Randy Lee McAbee, 50, of 2017 Willimax Ave., Gastonia, concealed a pack of pork chops and a pack of liver mush valued at $17 at the Food Lion on Garrison Boulevard in Gastonia on Jan. 8.

Gastonia Officer D.P. Meck also cited McAbee for being drunk and disruptive and threatening the officer, according to the citation.
(Gastonia, NC)

12/31/09 3900 block of East 23rd Street, Dec. 31 - A man allegedly struck his former girlfriend because she left chicken wings on his counter. (Des Moines, IA)

01/07/10 Maryland Natural Resources Police charged a Dorchester County seafood dealer with possession of undersize oysters.

On Jan. 7, NRP inspected a seafood truck in Wingate Marina, and a random sample of the cargo revealed 9 percent undersize oysters.

Police charged Adrien Leo Hansen, 74, of Cambridge with possession of undersize oysters. Hansen is the owner of Hansen Seafood and was buying oysters from the commercial waterman.

He was fined $155 and is set to appear Feb. 17 in Maryland District Court in Cambridge. (Cambridge, MD)

10/26/09 A T-bone steak was stolen from a store in the 1500 block of Skyland Boulevard East at 12:10 p.m. Sunday. Police made an arrest. (Tuscaloosa, AL)

10/23/09 5900 block of Rome South Road, Bloominggrove Township — A 57-year-old man reported Wednesday afternoon the theft of $150 pounds of beef and $20 cash from the garage. (Blooming Grove, OH)

10/22/09 Poached deer: Remains of a deer carcass were found Friday in woods near the East River at the east end of Dauphin Street. A 49-year-old man admitted he shot the deer. The man said he should have tagged and registered it, but was too lazy. Five packages of meat were confiscated, along with a bow, quiver and arrows. The man was cited for discharge of missiles. Other charges are possible through the Department of Natural Resources. (Allouez, WI)

10/21/09 At 12:49 a.m. Tuesday, a man reported the theft of a Weed Eater, a lawn mower, two packages of bacon, a case of pork chops and a bundle of rope from the 6300 block of Highway N. (Wisconsin Rapids, WI)