In a way, you do have to admire the criminal efficiency of cutting out the KFC middle man.

Man Arrested In Attack Over Fried Chicken

A Bloomington man was attacked and knocked to the ground by a man who wanted to steal his bucket of fried chicken, police said.

A 22-year-old man was walking home in the 500 block of South Park Ridge Road just before 1 a.m. Wednesday when he was confronted, police said. Sean M. Nelson, 24, demanded the man give him his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, and began slapping and punching him when he refused.

06/08/11 A Farmers Bridge Road resident called deputies when he came home from vacation to find his ex-babysitter in his home during the wee hours of the night. When he asked her to leave, she threw a box of chicken to the floor and made her getaway in a go-cart with another man, according to a report filed at the Burke County Sheriff‘s Office. (Hephzibah, GA)

06/07/11 On Audubon Drive, Lourdes Ludlow maintained that neighbor Denise Tijerian threw a piece of fried chicken in the driveway.

Mr. Tijerian said his wife didn’t throw anything in the neighbor’s direction. (Chattanooga, TN)

We’ll just leave this here.

A Charleston man decided to have his fried chicken dinner and a beer inside a grocery store restroom Feb. 10, according to a police report.

North Charleston police were dispatched to the store on Dorchester Road because the 31-year-old possibly had stolen the chicken, according to a report.

The manager of the store told police that the man had walked into the store restroom about 4:45 p.m. with the chicken and beer and started consuming them inside. He then walked back out into the parking lot, still eating the fried chicken, the report says.

Officers met with the man in the parking lot, but he seemed to be having a hard time keeping his balance as he was stumbling, the report says.
…

Officers then frisked the man for weapons but only found another piece of chicken, which was still warm, in his back right pocket.

01/21/11 A man toting his fried chicken dinner was robbed at gunpoint Wednesday night on Houston Avenue.

The man had just left Church’s Chicken about 5 p.m. when two young men on bicycles and two teens confronted him near Sylvian Drive, according to a news release from the Macon Police Department.

One of the teens pulled a pistol and the group stole the man’s chicken and fled.

Police captured three of the juveniles nearby on Worsham Avenue but the fourth escaped. The young men are each charged as adults with one count of armed robbery, the release stated. (Macon, GA)

01/02/11 A bike-riding thief snatched a bag containing a steak biscuit and potato rounds from an Augusta waterworks employee Sunday in the parking lot of the Shell gas station at 3428 Mike Padgett Highway.

The thief, who rode away on a “small bicycle,” flashed a 6-inch knife at Brian Richards and grabbed the bag after Richards refused to give him money about 10:30 a.m. (Augusta, GA)

09/13/10 Police responded to a residence in the 500 block of Franklin Street at 8:53 p.m. Saturday where a woman claimed that her ex-boyfriend had thrown a bag of frozen meat through her living room window, breaking it, but had left prior to the officers’ arrival. (Salem, OH)

08/11/10 Around 8 a.m. Aug. 11, an officer responded to a report of arson in the 100 block of Manana Boulevard.

A woman said she found what appeared to be a burning box of fried chicken under a coworker’s car, got some water and put it out. She said as she was putting out the fire she noticed a child she had had problems with in the past watching her.

The officer spoke to the child, who admitted he put newspaper in the box and lit it on fire. (Clovis, NM)

Blotter Bonus: Not quite a Meat Crime, but, you know…

08/30/10 A 911-caller rambling about politics, Kentucky Fried Chicken and men with pink eyes expressed an interest in joining the sheriff’s office (Cave Junction, OR)

Granddaughter Jailed After Reported Fried Chicken and Orange Juice Heist at Wal-Mart

While the choice not to charge grandma for boosting “western shirts” was compassionate, what sort of twisted place is this Fort Pierce, Florida that the reporter thinks it necessary to explain “mac & cheese” in an article?

A delightful paean to smash-n-grab fried chicken thievery.

Two Men Nabbed in Fried Chicken Heist

Maybe it’s just me, but when hungry and short of cash, it seems Plan A should be “root around in the couch for loose change,” not “pick up a wooden club and threaten KFC workers for a Variety Bucket.”

02/18/10 A 65-year-old man was arrested after he allegedly threatened to kill his live-in girlfriend, 49.

The man came home drunk and found his girlfriend with a mutual friend, a 49-year-old man. The woman and her friend offered the man pizza, but he became angry and said he wanted chicken.

The man then approached his girlfriend with a knife. The friend took the knife away and the woman called police. (Parma, OH)

02/10/10 Police responded to a report of Patterson resident Paulie Sandoval harassing customers and taking off his clothes at Del Lago Steak House. Upon arrival, Sandoval was fully clothed and was booked by police without incident. (Patterson, CA)

01/26/10 Joshua J. Lutinski, 18, of 33571 Oakland Dr., Grayslake, was charged Jan. 26 with retail theft under local ordinance at the Jewel-Osco store at 6509 Route 132. According to the police report, the suspect allegedly stole two buckets of fried chicken valued at $26. Lutinski was released pending a court date. Two male juvenile were referred to Lake County Teen Court. (Gurnee, IL)

02/04/10 An intoxicated man threatened to shoot a worker at a Bedford-Stuyvesant fast-food joint during an argument over chicken, authorities said yesterday.

Manes Beauchamp, 35, allegedly started banging on a glass partition separating him from the 26-year-old victim in Crown Fried Chicken on Fulton Street near Throop Avenue at 2 a.m. Tuesday.

After Beauchamp demanded chicken and cash, the victim repeatedly told him to leave, cops said.

Beauchamp then stuffed his hands into his pocket, pretending to have a gun and threatening to shoot the victim, cops said.

Police were called and arrested Beauchamp, who was charged with disorderly conduct. (Brooklyn, NY)

02/03/10 Hillsborough County deputies have recovered a pig that was stolen from Armwood High School on Saturday.

The pig was being kept at the school as part of an Future Farmers of America (FFA) project. Its 15-year-old owner, who is a student at Armwood, plans to show the animal at the Strawberry Festival.

Deputies delivered the pig to the school and its owner Wednesday evening.

The sheriff’s office said Jason Simmons, 23, of Dover is charged with one count of burglary and theft of livestock.

Sheriff’s office spokeperson Debbie Carter said they believe Simmons was going to auction the pig off. (Seffner, FL)

01/29/10 A Salina police dog followed the scent of three people who were arrested Wednesday, accused of hitting a pizza delivery man over the head and stealing three large pizzas and 40 chicken wings.

Brandon L. Main, 20, 816 W. Park, Tesia L. Thrush, 21, 923 N. Ninth, and Logan B. Bell, 19, 917 N. 13th, are accused of aggravated robbery in connection with the incident, which occurred at 9 p.m. at 720 W. Park. Main might also face drug and paraphernalia charges.

Salina Deputy Police Chief Carson Mansfield said Noe R. Ovalle, 58, delivered pizzas and hot wings to the side door of the house after the order was called in to Pizza Hut by telephone. Ovalle was struck on the head, and the pizzas and wings and a black carrying bag were stolen, for a total loss of $83.

Police took a trained dog to the house, and the dog followed a scent trail to 816 W. Park, Mansfield said. Officers obtained a warrant and made the arrests at that location, he said.

The insulated bag in which the food was delivered was recovered, Mansfield said. (Salina, KS)