Ya know, you try to give your kid a leg up in life with a dynamic name like Sir Lawrence Scipio, and what does he do? Just pisses it all away in a high school cafeteria for a mess of processed bird parts.

“Entrepreneurs” Busted Stealing 30 Pounds of Chicken Nuggets

Sir Lawrence Scipio Dixon, 33, of Davie, and Carl Dudley Crabtree, 41, of Hollywood, are accused of a weekend crime spree that stretched from Grassy Key to Key West.
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Stacked on the tables: Several tools, a bag full of rolled coins and bills, and a red and white 1999 graduation tassel.

And more than 30 pounds of frozen chicken nuggets.

Inside the alleged crooks’ car they found more stolen goodies — a power washer, a paint sprayer, a laptop computer and nearly 200 one dollar bills from vending machines they raided.

They reportedly told the cops they stole the tools because they were planning to start their own business.

03/15/10 Suspicious person/circumstances. Reported at 5:49 p.m. 31900 block of Paseo de Tania. A resident said a bone was thrown into his yard. He didn’t know whether it was from an animal or a human. Police later determined it was from a pork chop. (San Juan Capistrano, CA)

03/11/10 Someone stole a woman’s purse from a shopping cart at an area store and replaced it with meat. According to a report taken by the La Porte Police Department, a 28-year-old female said she was shopping Tuesday at a store in the 300 block of Boyd Boulevard between 12:30 and 1:10 p.m.

When she arrived at the checkout counter, she noticed her purse was missing. In its place was a piece of meat, the woman reported to police. (La Porte, IN)

03/03/10 Two people were charged with shoplifting just after midnight from a supermarket in Wrights Corners. A clerk told sheriff deputies that two women tried buy Kool-Aid and became angry when their benefit card was declined and threw the packets at the clerk. They returned to the store and were later found in their vehicle on Lockport-Olcott Road with frozen chicken nuggets, gel pens and whipped cream from the store. They admitted that they had not paid for the items, deputies said. An open box of chocolates from a store shelf also matched what was in one of the suspect’s purses. Charged were Samantha B. Jennings, 19, of Williams Street, Middleport, and Christina M. Sims, 20, of Jackson Street, Olcott. (Wrights Corners, NY)

11/25/09 Jackson police are working to crack a case of fowl play. They’re searching for a man who broke into an apartment about 11 p.m. Tuesday and stole a family’s holiday turkey. Police Lt. Christopher Simpson told the Jackson Citizen Patriot the suspect ran into the kitchen and stole the turkey out of the freezer.

He said the 6-foot, 300-pound bald man “fled with turkey in hand.”

Police said a woman and two children were home at the time, and no one was injured.

The woman told authorities she knew the man. (Jackson, MI)

11/24/09 Harris County Sheriff’s Office (HCSO) deputies arrested a man suspected of stealing meat from Kroger’s on Woodforest, Nov. 20.

The store’s manager reported seeing a package of wieners sticking out of the back pocket of a customer on the meat aisle.

The customer allegedly also had a large bulge protruding from the front of his waistband.

The manager, along with two employees, waited for the suspected shoplifter to leave the store before approaching him.

The suspect, later identified as 55-year-old Joe Thurman, of Missouri City, reportedly pushed two of the employees to the ground in an attempt to run away.

The third employee ran after him. Thurman allegedly punched the employee in the chest. He was captured and detained until HCSO Deputy Luce arrived. Luce arrested and charged Thurman with robbery. Thurman is held in the Harris County Jail on a $20,000 bond.

Approximately $75 worth of meat — sausages, T-bone and ribeye steak — was confiscated from Thurman and returned to the store. (Houston, TX)

11/18/09 Battery: Two brothers were charged with disorderly conduct and battery after a fight over a fast-food order. It began when one of the defendants returned from a dinner run without sauce for the chicken nuggets. (Grand Chute, WI)

11/17/09 Patricia L. Smith, 39, of 260 S. Grand Ave., Bradley, was arrested at about 9:25 a.m. Friday at Mario’s Market, 1557 W. Court St., Kankakee, and charged with felony retail theft, Kankakee police reports said. She paid for chips and hamburger buns, but allegedly walked out of the store without paying for three packages of ground beef in her purse, police reports said. Smith’s charges were elevated to felony retail theft because she had a prior larceny conviction. (Kankakee, IL)

10/25/09 On Oct. 25, a Trinity County game warden received a call that a local man had killed a deer off a county road. When the warden arrived, he found two men with one skinned buck deer head arguing over the proper way to measure the spread, plus a cooler full of meat. One man said that he was dropped off by his friend in the national forest to squirrel-hunt but could not pass up the large buck. When asked why he had his friend drop him off to hunt, he stated, “So the game warden would not catch me.” (Trinity County, TX)

09/29/09 Theft; 2921 North Street (Burger King). Complainant reported that a freezer was forcibly entered and meat patties, chicken, and cheesecake was taken. (Nacogdoches, TX)

09/28/09 Boxes of sausage, corn, broccoli, chicken patties, biscuits, beef patties, chicken nuggets, beef steak, chicken thighs, chicken drumsticks, fish sticks, turnips, mozzarella sticks and corn dogs were taken from the freezer in the cafeteria at Etowah Education and Training on Raley Street between 4:30 p.m. Sept. 25 and 6:30 a.m. Sept. 28. All other food in the freezer ruined because the freezer door was left open. (Gasden, AL)

09/25/09 Two suspicious foil-wrapped packages were reported at Laurel Cemetery. The caller thought that they might contain drug paraphernalia, but they turned out to be wrapped-up steak. (Cave Junction, OR)

09/19/09 The manager of a Myrtle Beach area Food Lion told police a man came into the store five different times and stole $1,500 worth of food without being caught, according to a police report.

The manager conducted an audit on Tuesday and learned of the missing food, which included 30 packages of steak, 30 packages of shrimp and six packages of ribs, police said. Video surveillance showed a man entering the store at 7611 N. Kings Highway on Sept. 13 five different times and putting the food down his pants and walking out of the store without paying.

The video showed the man’s clothing was bulky as he walked by the cash registers without paying for the food, according to the report. (Myrtle Beach, SC)

10/05/09 Burglary Of A Habitation; 1700 Block of Eliza Street. Complainant reported that unknown suspects had entered a residence and stole some meat. (Nacogdoches, TX)

10/01/09 Theft/arrest A 20-year-old Dundalk-area man was arrested Tuesday when he attempted to leave the Save-A-Lot in the 2000 block of Maryland Ave. without paying for six packages of pork chops, all valued at nearly $32. Detained by a store security officer and charged with theft by city police was Stephen W. Morgan of the 1900 bloc of Nevill Road. (Baltimore, MD)

09/30/09 Daniel Siadak, 48, of Oak Lawn was charged with theft of services and two counts of resisting arrest earlier this month after he walked out of Hooters of Oak Lawn at 9159 Cicero Ave. without paying for a $6 order of chicken wings, police said.

Siadak resisted arrest when two police officers arrived at his trailer park in the 9000 block of Cicero Avenue, police said. (Oak Lawn, IL)

09/27/09 Shoplifting | On Sept. 27 in Longs, a supermarket employee saw a woman, 45, pick up two packs of steaks and go into the bathroom. When she came out, she quickly exited the store.

A customer told an employee that the woman’s purse was packed with something. They tried to stop the woman but she left.

An employee recognized her and gave police her address. Responding officers went to the woman’s house, arrested her and took her to jail, but could not recover the stolen steaks because they had been consumed. (Longs, SC)

09/20/09 James Thomas Thrash II, 30, of the 4800 block of Monticello Avenue in Hope Mills, was charged Friday with breaking and entering, larceny and possession of stolen goods. Thrash is accused of breaking into a house and stealing money, hamburger patties, steaks, two boxes of chicken nuggets, a Tony Stewart jacket and a Jimmy Johnson jacket. Bail was set at $5,000. (Fayetteville, NC)

09/18/09 Retail theft of popcorn chicken was reported at Wal-Mart. (Bartow, FL)