01/31/12 An argument about getting a pizza or a chicken club sandwich led to a stabbing inside a house on Meyers Street early Monday, according to charges filed.

Duryea police charged Karen Gardinor, 54, with assaulting David Soroka during an argument about what kind of food they wanted to order.

Soroka told police Gardinor assaulted him with scissors, an ink pen and a letter opener during the argument, according to the criminal complaint. (Duryea, PA)

12/04/11 A man told police that he had been jumped as he was walking eastbound down [Detroit Avenue] at about 9:30 p.m. Dec. 4. He was unable to provide any additional information. After questioning, however, the officer learned that this man had not been jumped. There had been an argument over “chicken and ice cream” between the man and some other residents. (Lakewood, OH)

Well, so much for that Meat Crimes community outreach program…

After Breaking Into Apartment, Man Folds Laundry and Cooks Chicken

Police entered the apartment to find a pot of chicken and onions cooking on the stove. The woman who lives there said, “It smelled good, it had the broth and everything, but we just threw it in the trash can”.

However, [Keith] Davis did not stop with dinner, the man also folded the woman’s laundry, placed it neatly on her dining room table and vacuumed the floors. “He drank all my orange juice, but it’s cool because he folded my clothes and swept my floors,” says the woman.

It is official. There is no better citation on the books than “violation of insecure and leaky load.”

Anyway, sorry Indianapolis, Columbus and Bloomington, you’ll just have to wait for the next rig full of warm, oozing meat to head your way.

Truck Driver Cited for Hauling Dripping, Unrefrigerated Meat

A truck driver has been cited after thousands of pounds of raw meat were found unrefrigerated in the back of his rig, police said.
…
Police said the temperature inside the trailer was 69.5 degrees, causing frozen chicken and beef to thaw and drip blood and juices onto the floor.
…
Zhang was cited for a federal motor carrier violation of insecure and leaky load and was given a warning for speeding.

09/13/11 A woman called police at 10:02 a.m. Monday to report someone left chicken parts and mustard all over her front lawn on the 900 block of Lavender Court. She said last month someone left pigs feet on her front path. (Tracy, CA)

08/13/11 A woman watching her daughter’s house on South Stone Avenue while the daughter was away reported that someone left a store-bought chicken on the front doorstep. (La Grange, IL)

06/09/11 At 5:36 p.m., a Continental Court resident reported someone entered his home and stole blood thinner medication and three pieces of chicken from his refrigerator. According to police, the victim reported his phone lines are bugged by the thief, who has entered the home before. (Woburn, MA)

06/02/11 A woman was arrested June 2 for stealing under $500 and destruction of property at the Family Dollar store in the first block of Fenton Plaza. Police said the intoxicated woman opened a can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew and Chef Boyardee Ravioli and began eating them while in the store. She then spilled the ravioli on 10 towels and washcloths and then left the store without paying. As officers were at the store taking a report of the incident she returned and approached the officers, asking for a ride to visit her husband at the hospital. (Fenton Plaza, MO)

05/03/11 An Orangeburg woman said her 40-year-old son ate her leftover chicken Sunday evening without asking her permission, according to a Sheriff’s Office incident report.

The son acknowledged eating the leftover chicken but said he did not think his mother would call the law about the matter, the report said.

The mother requested her son be removed from the house. (Orangeburg, SC)

04/20/11 A homeowner caught a burglar eating chicken inside his kitchen late Tuesday night. Dylon David Elston, 21, of Wright Avenue, Kingston, was arraigned in Wilkes-Barre Central Court on charges of burglary, criminal trespass, theft and public drunkenness.

Brian Everhart told police that he heard a noise in his kitchen of his house on Reynolds Street and allegedly saw Elston eating chicken from the refrigerator.

Elston told Everhart he was looking for his friend’s house. Elston grabbed hot dogs from the freezer and ran out the back door, the criminal complaint says.

Police said they captured Elston in the 100 block of Nottingham Street. Elston denied he burglarized the house. (Plymouth, PA)

We remember a time when a man could buy himself a quality pair of American made shorts that could take the load of a whole damn bird!

Man Discovers His Shorts Have a Chicken Limit of Less Than Four Pounds

A Louisville man is facing criminal charges after, police said, he attempted to smuggle poultry out of a grocery store by concealing it in his shorts.

According to arrest records, Steven P. Malone was seen stuffing 4 pounds of chicken down the front of his shorts around 4 p.m. Sunday at a Valu Market on Mitscher Avenue. Police said he was walking down the aisle with his shorts falling down past his knees.

03/23/11 For the third time in less than a year, a Scranton man was arrested for retail theft on Monday after he allegedly slipped two packages of chicken into the lining of his coat at a South Main Avenue grocery store.

Officers found Robert McCullough, 43, 1617 Swetland St., hiding in a closet in an Eynon Street home after stealing the chicken then giving it back to an employee at Gerrity’s Supermarket, 702 S. Main Ave., before fighting with her and fleeing, police said. (Scranton, PA)

03/04/11 According to police, Joseph Lee Stringer, 27, of 350 Brewer Road, concealed a rotisserie chicken, chicken wings, a mouth guard and two toothbrushes down the front of his pants and left through the Garden Center of Walmart without paying for them. (Rome, GA)

This guy is some remarkable new breed of multi-tasking Super Meat Criminal.

Also, it should be noted that, yes, we now maintain tags for both “urinating on store” and “urinating in store.”

Drunk Guy Arrested for Urinating on $500 of Chicken, Eating Large Package of Ham

North Little Rock Police responded to the Kroger on Pershing Blvd about complaints that there was a drunk man in the store urinating on chicken.

According to the police report, Kroger management says Jerry Patterson was drunk, had urinated on $500 worth of chicken, and ate a large package of ham.

Police say Patterson was verbally abusive and appeared drunk. He was arrested at the scene.

Here’s hoping drug addicts didn’t ruin YOUR holidays with their ill-gotten AIDS meat.

Coming Soon: Vote on 2010’s Meat Criminal of the Year!