Meat Crimes
C’mon. Everyone knows you steal the meat, then make your getaway on a bicycle. You don’t use the meat to beat the crap out of a guy on a bicycle. Damn amateur.
Man Attacked Stranger With Stolen Sausage Links

A Holbrook man was charged after police said he attacked and robbed a Brockton man using stolen sausage links and a wrench at West Street and Forest Avenue Sunday morning.
The victim told police he was riding his bike about 8 a.m. Sunday when Michael A. Baker, whom he does not know, came up to him “and started swinging sausage links at him,” Lt. David Dickinson said Sunday.
“He said he was trying to hit him with that. The victim had no idea why,” Dickinson said.
Baker then threw stolen meat, bread and cheese he was carrying into a nearby barrel “and began smashing the victim with a wrench,” Dickinson said.

C’mon. Everyone knows you steal the meat, then make your getaway on a bicycle. You don’t use the meat to beat the crap out of a guy on a bicycle. Damn amateur.

Man Attacked Stranger With Stolen Sausage Links

A Holbrook man was charged after police said he attacked and robbed a Brockton man using stolen sausage links and a wrench at West Street and Forest Avenue Sunday morning.

The victim told police he was riding his bike about 8 a.m. Sunday when Michael A. Baker, whom he does not know, came up to him “and started swinging sausage links at him,” Lt. David Dickinson said Sunday.

“He said he was trying to hit him with that. The victim had no idea why,” Dickinson said.

Baker then threw stolen meat, bread and cheese he was carrying into a nearby barrel “and began smashing the victim with a wrench,” Dickinson said.

Man Pedals To Bacon-Snatching Wife’s Defense

Apparently Ed Tolley (pictured) is the “better call Saul” for Georgian meat criminals…

Officers were arresting an Athens woman for shoplifting at an Eastside supermarket Monday afternoon, when her husband rode up on a bicycle Better Call Ed Tolleyand yelled at officers that he was going to call a prominent Athens defense attorney, Athens-Clarke police said.

A manager of Piggly Wiggly, 4025 Lexington Road, called 911 after he detained the 42-year-old shoplifter for putting two cans of beer, a pack of hot dogs and some bacon in her purse, police said.

Her husband showed up as officers took her into custody, police said, and as he cursed out the officers he told them he was going to “call Ed Tolley,” according to police.

The man pedaled away on his bike after officers threatened to arrest him for disorderly conduct, police said.

Meat Crime Blotter - Armed Bicycle-Riding Meal Thieves on the Loose in Georgia Edition

01/21/11 A man toting his fried chicken dinner was robbed at gunpoint Wednesday night on Houston Avenue.

The man had just left Church’s Chicken about 5 p.m. when two young men on bicycles and two teens confronted him near Sylvian Drive, according to a news release from the Macon Police Department.

One of the teens pulled a pistol and the group stole the man’s chicken and fled.

Police captured three of the juveniles nearby on Worsham Avenue but the fourth escaped. The young men are each charged as adults with one count of armed robbery, the release stated. (Macon, GA)

01/02/11 A bike-riding thief snatched a bag containing a steak biscuit and potato rounds from an Augusta waterworks employee Sunday in the parking lot of the Shell gas station at 3428 Mike Padgett Highway.

The thief, who rode away on a “small bicycle,” flashed a 6-inch knife at Brian Richards and grabbed the bag after Richards refused to give him money about 10:30 a.m. (Augusta, GA)

Florida - check! Meat down the pants - check! Bicycle getaway - check!

This has all the makings of the most stereotypical of Meat Crimes, but Mr. Thoni went the extra mile, adding an exciting hypodermic needle flourish to the proceedings.

A 47-year-old man took two steaks from the meat aisle and placed the items in his pants.

He then took two cans of Natural Ice while the meat manager at a local grocery store watched, according to his Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office arrest report.

When store employees stopped Christopher Thomas Thoni, he handed over the beers and took the steaks out of his pants, but did not hand them over.

He then pulled out a hypodermic needle and held it “as if he was about to stab someone.” He told the store employees that he would stab them if they did not let him leave, according to his arrest report.

If any readers happen to work for Schwinn or another fine manufacturer of bicycles, we would be interested in proposing a limited edition Meat Crimes branded getaway bike.
Pork Chop Thief Makes Bicycle Getaway

Fort Pierce police were called to a burglary at the Bangkok restaurant on Orange Avenue in downtown early Tuesday morning. The owner of the restaurant told police someone had broken in and stolen $400 and two pieces of meat.
Police said an officer had seen Conte riding a bicycle and carrying two Smithfield center cut pork chops in a recycling bin earlier that morning.

If any readers happen to work for Schwinn or another fine manufacturer of bicycles, we would be interested in proposing a limited edition Meat Crimes branded getaway bike.

Pork Chop Thief Makes Bicycle Getaway

Fort Pierce police were called to a burglary at the Bangkok restaurant on Orange Avenue in downtown early Tuesday morning. The owner of the restaurant told police someone had broken in and stolen $400 and two pieces of meat.

Police said an officer had seen Conte riding a bicycle and carrying two Smithfield center cut pork chops in a recycling bin earlier that morning.

We must have been in a coma when this story initially broke back in August. Justin K. Schmitt, Meat Crimes says “Salute!”
Charges Filed Against Lawnmower Riding, Hot Dog Eating Man On Epic Crime Spree
Jackson County prosecutors have filed charges against Justin K. Schmitt, who was arrested back in August after he allegedly (A) tried to flee a burglary on a stolen riding lawnmower and (B) then hid in the woods, taking off his clothes and rolling in the mud, police said.
One of the victim’s first clues that something was wrong was when he saw a half-eaten, frozen hot dog lying on the ground outside his garage.
Some more epic details here, including:The homeowner told deputies he had noticed a man driving past his house riding a lawn mower and soon realized it was his own mower. He armed himself with a semi-automatic handgun, got in his car and tracked the lawnmower driver down.Schmitt then found an empty travel trailer with a bicycle nearby. He allegedly got a drink and some crackers in the trailer and then left on the bicycle.

We must have been in a coma when this story initially broke back in August. Justin K. Schmitt, Meat Crimes says “Salute!”

Charges Filed Against Lawnmower Riding, Hot Dog Eating Man On Epic Crime Spree

Jackson County prosecutors have filed charges against Justin K. Schmitt, who was arrested back in August after he allegedly (A) tried to flee a burglary on a stolen riding lawnmower and (B) then hid in the woods, taking off his clothes and rolling in the mud, police said.

One of the victim’s first clues that something was wrong was when he saw a half-eaten, frozen hot dog lying on the ground outside his garage.

Some more epic details here, including:

The homeowner told deputies he had noticed a man driving past his house riding a lawn mower and soon realized it was his own mower. He armed himself with a semi-automatic handgun, got in his car and tracked the lawnmower driver down.
Schmitt then found an empty travel trailer with a bicycle nearby. He allegedly got a drink and some crackers in the trailer and then left on the bicycle.

As happens every so often, we’ve had a bit of a Meat Crimes dry spell the last few weeks. But as in the past, the spell has been broken by a hot, new superstar. May we present to you “Powder Boy,” stuffing raw burgers in his shorts and making a failed escape on his Meat Crime get-away bike. Really, everything about this story is magical.

Bristol Man Takes off with Meat from Local Store
He was known to employees simply as “Powder Boy,” a man who visited their Food City store two or three times a day and was suspected of stealing Kool-Aid packets.
On Wednesday, at the store on Bonham Road, where the packets sell for 25 cents, the employees accused him of stealing a decidedly higher-class item: a package of hamburgers priced at $5.79.
…
“He went to get on his bicycle, and it fell out of his pants,” Tate said of the meat. “We asked him for a receipt, and he took off, so we stopped him.”

As happens every so often, we’ve had a bit of a Meat Crimes dry spell the last few weeks. But as in the past, the spell has been broken by a hot, new superstar. May we present to you “Powder Boy,” stuffing raw burgers in his shorts and making a failed escape on his Meat Crime get-away bike. Really, everything about this story is magical.

Bristol Man Takes off with Meat from Local Store

He was known to employees simply as “Powder Boy,” a man who visited their Food City store two or three times a day and was suspected of stealing Kool-Aid packets.

On Wednesday, at the store on Bonham Road, where the packets sell for 25 cents, the employees accused him of stealing a decidedly higher-class item: a package of hamburgers priced at $5.79.

“He went to get on his bicycle, and it fell out of his pants,” Tate said of the meat. “We asked him for a receipt, and he took off, so we stopped him.”

Taken back in January, this rare footage of a Meat Criminal in the wild shows him gracefully and skillfully shoving an entire package of ribs down his trousers. He later made his getaway on a bicycle - as always, the hallmark of a pro.

Article: Video Shows Man Shoving Meat in Pants

Meat and Weed-Killer Thief Makes Daring Bicycle Getaway
Much like hauling ill-gotten meat away in a garbage can or stuffing it down the pants, a bicycle getaway is the hallmark of a seasoned Meat Criminal.
But weed killer is a new one. Perhaps he is a new breed of civic-minded thieves who go around beautifying highway meridians.

Meat and Weed-Killer Thief Makes Daring Bicycle Getaway

Much like hauling ill-gotten meat away in a garbage can or stuffing it down the pants, a bicycle getaway is the hallmark of a seasoned Meat Criminal.

But weed killer is a new one. Perhaps he is a new breed of civic-minded thieves who go around beautifying highway meridians.