We can only hope that Ms. Appling gained some confidence knowing she made the police blotter all on her own.

Punching, Spitting, Pepper-Spraying Meat Thief Arrested At Piggly Wiggly

Meet Lonneshia Shafaye Appling.

The Georgia woman, 26, was so determined to shoplift beer, bacon, cheese, and chicken wings from a Piggly Wiggly that she punched, spit at, and pepper-sprayed store workers who confronted her as she tried to flee the supermarket Wednesday afternoon, according to cops.
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Appling kept spraying as several workers tried to keep her from fleeing. The 340-pound Appling also allegedly punched [worker Jonathan] Orr in the face and spit on the 28-year-old employee. As she successfully bolted from the Athens store, Appling “was dropping beer cans out of her purse.”
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While in police custody, Appling…asked Officer Nathaniel Franco if her arrest would make the police blotter, requesting that the cop make his report “more interesting so that her arrest would make” the department’s compendium of notable incidents.

If you invite the nearby shack-dwelling lady to use your facilities, don’t be surprised when she pilfers your ham, pork chops and bacon.

Man Reports Woman Used His Bathroom Then Stole Meats From His Refrigerator

A Winder man reported he let a woman enter his residence to use the bathroom and she repaid the favor by helping herself to meats from his refrigerator.
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[T]he complainant said he had let the woman in to use his bathroom and then heard her open his refrigerator before leaving. When the man checked, he noticed ham, pork chops and bacon missing.
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The resident told police he knows the woman from the neighborhood as she was living in a shack behind a house nearby.

Apparently Ed Tolley (pictured) is the “better call Saul” for Georgian meat criminals…

Officers were arresting an Athens woman for shoplifting at an Eastside supermarket Monday afternoon, when her husband rode up on a bicycle and yelled at officers that he was going to call a prominent Athens defense attorney, Athens-Clarke police said.

A manager of Piggly Wiggly, 4025 Lexington Road, called 911 after he detained the 42-year-old shoplifter for putting two cans of beer, a pack of hot dogs and some bacon in her purse, police said.

Her husband showed up as officers took her into custody, police said, and as he cursed out the officers he told them he was going to “call Ed Tolley,” according to police.

The man pedaled away on his bike after officers threatened to arrest him for disorderly conduct, police said.

Said trouser bacon was valued at $11.49 a pack, so it’s obvious this jolly lass does not mess around with just any old Oscar Mayer.

Boosted Bacon Gets No Further Than Meat Thief’s Pants

A 53-year-old woman apparently didn’t bring home the bacon after a store manager spotted her jamming two packages of the tasty pork product in her pants.

Accused bacon bandit Vivian Nickerson was arrested on a retail theft charge after the Sept. 12 heist at the Save-A-Lot in the 600 block of Delaware Avenue in Fort Pierce, according to a recently released Fort Pierce police report.

Also arrested was accused meat thief Delores Brown, 63, who concealed three roasts and a steak.

(Thanks to Scripps Treasure Coast reporter Will Greenlee, for his ongoing coverage of Florida’s most important Meat Crimes!)

Meat and Toilet Paper Party to End All Meat and Toilet Paper Parties Foiled

Michael Wibby walked out of a Hobe Sound grocery store with what some might consider the makings of a fine evening: beer, champagne, meat and plenty of toilet paper.

Problem is, Wibby didn’t pay for the $820.20 in beverages, meat and toilet tissue deputies found Aug. 18 in the trunk of a Nissan Maxima.

The $500 in meat included beef spare ribs, New York strip, bacon, porterhouse, oxtails, T-bones and pork loin roasts, while three 18 packs of Heineken and five bottles of Moet & Chandon Imperial champagne rounded out the libations.

This quote from Ms. Howard is definitely in the running for the official lyrics of Meat Crimes’ theme song.

Greedy Meat Thief Hits Lady’s Freezer Once Too Often

After someone stole food and cigarettes from [Diana] Howard’s garage freezer, she decided to buy a surveillance camera. Last Saturday, the camera caught a man stealing frozen goods from the freezer.

“Took all my hamburger. Took all my Hot Pockets. Took all my bacon and all my breakfast sausages,” said Howard.

C’mon, Holiday Inn, just look at this guy. You know he must have to whip up breakfast for some new, lovely lady at minimum three mornings per week. That much breakfast food can really tax a man’s budget. So, would it really kill you to help a hunky Meat Criminal out and cut him a break this time?

Police on Lookout for Bacon and Waffle Thief

Andre Fitzgerald Hall, 27, of 201 E. Wood St., who is on probation for prior offenses, is accused of walking into the Holiday Inn on April 1 as if he were heading to a room. On his way to the back he detoured through the kitchen where he helped himself to two cases of bacon and six cases of waffles.

This is just the “Married With Children” reboot America has been craving.

Couple Busted for Bacon and Peanuts

50-year-old Sarah McCoy was arrested for drunken driving Monday night after crashing her car into a neighbor’s tree. She was arrested again Tuesday night after police say she stole two packs of bacon and a package of peanuts from the Circle K on Union Ave.

Also arrested was 52-year-old Gerald McCoy. Both live on West Wayne St.

Police say the two McCoys were drunk when they were picked up Tuesday. They had walked to the store instead of driving.

This inept little dumbbell is kind of lovable - that is, until you realize his name is “Khory,” which immediately makes you want to punch him in the face.

Nacho Bandit Caught When Pants Fall To His Knees

A witness said he caught a suspect when the man’s baggy pants fell around his knees and he couldn’t run well.

Khory Nathan Gagner, 21, is accused of breaking into a sports bar in Aspen Tuesday, making himself some nachos, then taking a substantial amount of cash…Fine Line Bar & Grill owner Ben Levy told the newspaper Gagner apparently put onions, cheese, bacon and pepperoni and four bags of tortilla chips into the pizza oven. The bags caught on fire and triggered the fire suppression system.

11/9/10 A man who tried to leave Walmart without paying for his sandwich or Halloween costume was arrested.

The 27-year-old man was spotted by employees trying to walk out of the store with a turkey and provolone cheese sandwich, a doctor costume and a “Nightmare on Elm Street” DVD, according to the Notice to Appear. (Destin, FL)

11/9/10 A woman was arrested at Kroger on Ga. Highway 20 by NCSO deputies for attempting to shoplift the following items with a total worth of nearly $50: crackers, ham, bacon, peanuts, beans, chicken, raisins, cashews, tuna and Kool-Aid. (Covington, GA)

11/07/10 Pulaski Pike - A jar of sweet pickles, tilapia, a pack of beef franks, thick bologna, one banana pudding roll and some popcorn shrimp were shoplifted from the Save Alot between 12:30 and 12:49 a.m. Saturday. (Huntsville, AL)