This most shocking element of this story is that she actually found a pay phone with which to call in the complaints.

Woman Arrested After Calling 911 About “Nasty” Hardee’s Burger

An East Tennessee woman was taken into police custody because she called 911 dispatchers about a hamburger she didn’t enjoy.
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Officers said in the report that Nichols called 911 twice from a pay phone about concerns over what she called “nasty food” from a Hardee’s in Rockwood. According to the police report, Nichols said the restaurant wouldn’t give her the money back that she paid for a meal.

The Wild West of our dreams comes alive!

“Outlaw” Throws Stolen Meat, Cheese At Officers

James Outlaw ran into Chelsea Food and Fuel and grabbed the deli meat and cheese, but was spotted by the clerk who nearly thwarted the theft by remotely locking the business’ door…

However, officers said the 47-year-old didn’t let the door’s lock stop him. They said Outlaw rammed the door repeatedly until it eventually sprang open.

Police say they later spotted him walking down the street, but before they could arrest him, Outlaw began hurling the stolen food at them.

Oh, those crafty Melvins, shaking the reporter off their trail with the old Hamburger Helper switcheroo…

Man Accuses Neighbors of Stealing His Bag of Chicken Wings

A man called police Tuesday after he got hungry and discovered something missing.

Charles Moore’s bag of chicken wings was absent from his refrigerator. He told Chattanooga Police Officer Florida Wynn that he believed his next-door neighbor on Northway Lane had taken them.
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“The idea of him accusing us,” neighbor Sandra Melvin said while cooking Hamburger Helper on Wednesday.

Dozie Melvin, who is recovering from a stroke, and his wife said that this isn’t Moore’s first time accusing people of stealing something. Once, they remembered, he said someone broke into his bedroom and stole change and pens off of his chest of drawers and later, according to the couple, broke into the house to return the pens.

This has all the makings of a new Harmony Korine film.

Woman Arrested After Taking New Bag of Pork Skins With “Better Flavor”

A clerk at the Kangaroo on Cummings Highway said a woman initially paid for a package of Tom’s Pork Skins, but she didn’t like the flavor. She asked if she could trade the bag in for a variety with a better flavor. The clerk said no.

The clerk said the customer responded by returning the pack of pork skins to the shelf - though it was open and missing one of the pork skins. She got a different flavor pack and walked out.

06/08/11 A Farmers Bridge Road resident called deputies when he came home from vacation to find his ex-babysitter in his home during the wee hours of the night. When he asked her to leave, she threw a box of chicken to the floor and made her getaway in a go-cart with another man, according to a report filed at the Burke County Sheriff‘s Office. (Hephzibah, GA)

06/07/11 On Audubon Drive, Lourdes Ludlow maintained that neighbor Denise Tijerian threw a piece of fried chicken in the driveway.

Mr. Tijerian said his wife didn’t throw anything in the neighbor’s direction. (Chattanooga, TN)

Drunk Couple Arrested After 911 Call Demanding Cheeseburger

Nothing worse than hungry, lazy drunks. Would it have killed them to throw some clothes on, break into a restaurant and deep fry their own chicken?

An alleged call to 911 requesting “something to eat” has prompted the arrest of two Kingsport residents — including a naked woman, who reportedly had to be dragged down a flight of stairs and pepper sprayed.

According to reports from Kingsport police, early Thursday morning a male called central dispatch. Police say he wanted someone to bring him food.

Shortly after 2 a.m. an officer responded to 600 Drake Avenue to speak with the caller. The resident, Terry A. Nunley, 35, allegedly answered the door, walked outside and told the officer, “I’m hungry and want a cheeseburger and fries.”

Police report asking Nunley if he called 911 for food, with him confirming that was the reason. He then reportedly told the officer he wanted her to go get it for him.

07/14/10 A 34-year-old transient was charged with petty theft after he tried to steal $28 worth of steaks and pork chops by stuffing them down the front of his pants about 5:15 p.m. Thursday at the Publix at 985 Atlantic Blvd. (Atlantic Beach, FL)

7/10/10 Shawn M. Cunningham, 22, was arrested for shoplifting at 11:31 p.m. Thursday after an incident at the downtown Giant Eagle. According to a report, an employee saw Cunningham take three packs of steaks and put them down the front of his pants. After allegedly taking the items, Cunningham reportedly left the store toward the parking lot. Officers stopped Cunningham near the front of Riverview Florist, and the items were still stuffed down the front of his pants, the report indicates. (East Liverpool, OH)

07/07/10 Police are looking for a man who stole meat from the Madison Street Kroger and pulled a knife on the manager. At about 4:30 p.m. Monday, an employee at the store saw the man stealing meat, according to a Clarksville Police Department report.

The manager approached and began escorting the shoplifter to the front of the store. The shoplifter lifted his shirt and dropped some of the meat from his clothing, then pulled out a knife and told the manager to let him go, the report said.

The shoplifter walked out, trailing meat behind him, and ran away. (Clarksville, TN)

Messy Box of Ribs Creates Bomb Scare

Seems to be quite the overreaction. Who among us hasn’t hauled a pile of ribs into a hotel with our bare hands and left the oozing, threatening pork box in the parking lot to dry?

A mangled box found Thursday morning next to a downtown parking lot had black writing scrawled across the top: “Don’t touch if you want to keep your hands.” 

An hour later, after police closed Public Square and the Sheriff’s Office deployed the bomb detection robot, a woman told police it was just an empty box of ribs too messy to leave in a car.

When will one of these unlicensed door-to-door meat salesmen show up at our place? They seem like a colorful bunch.

03/12/10 Beef. A pack of noodles. Barbecue and spaghetti sauces.

Shoplifting the items from a grocery store was a minor offense, but when Risa K. Blackie used a stun-gun on a store manager who tried to stop her, it became a major crime.

The 18-year-old Massillon woman avoided a prison sentence Wednesday for robbery and misdemeanor carrying concealed weapons.

Telling Blackie that she looked about to wet her pants, Stark County Common Pleas Judge Lee Sinclair placed her on intensive probation for a year, including two months of house arrest, and ordered her to perform 100 hours of community service. (Canton, OH)

03/10/10 Officers went to Avoca Road “in reference to juveniles chasing a chicken.” Police noted there was no “explanation of why the chicken was being chased.” (Bristol, TN)

02/26/10 Officers are on edge looking for a possible merry prankster, following a Feb. 26 report from a resident in the 500 block of Hinsdale Court. The resident told police someone had taken carpet deodorizer from inside her home, and replaced it with a different brand. The culprits also took meat from her refrigerator and replaced it with meat that had an earlier sell-by date. An investigation continues. (Rick City, MO)