Hey ladies, I don’t see a mention of a wife or girlfriend in this article…

Man Eats Roasted Chicken, Tosses Bones In Lobster Tank, Assaults Cop With Cane

A man’s escapade through an Edwardsville supermarket landed him in jail Sunday after he devoured a roasted chicken, dumped the remnants in a live lobster tank, threatened shocked employees and assaulted the responding officer with his cane, police said.

Police said Allan Randall’s wild antics at Price Chopper also included him consuming an apple and a bottle of Sobe water, shaking up 2-liter bottles of soda before returning them to the shelf and stomping on other food products.

In the end, Randall ate or ruined about $210 in products and forced the lobster tank to be shut down after being contaminated by the eaten chicken remnants and bones, police said.

01/31/12 An argument about getting a pizza or a chicken club sandwich led to a stabbing inside a house on Meyers Street early Monday, according to charges filed.

Duryea police charged Karen Gardinor, 54, with assaulting David Soroka during an argument about what kind of food they wanted to order.

Soroka told police Gardinor assaulted him with scissors, an ink pen and a letter opener during the argument, according to the criminal complaint. (Duryea, PA)

12/04/11 A man told police that he had been jumped as he was walking eastbound down [Detroit Avenue] at about 9:30 p.m. Dec. 4. He was unable to provide any additional information. After questioning, however, the officer learned that this man had not been jumped. There had been an argument over “chicken and ice cream” between the man and some other residents. (Lakewood, OH)

We want to make love to this gentleman’s decision making skills.

Reuben Sandwich Thief Makes Getaway on Forklift

Police say [Sean Faulkner] stole the forklift from a construction site on Babcock Road near McKnight.

Why did he steal it? He wasn’t just tired lugging a case of beer - he was hungry too.

That’s apparently why he drove the forklift about a mile down Babcock to Sieb’s Restaurant. He ordered a Rueben, but he didn’t pay for it.

That’s when he tried to make his getaway in a forklift. Ross Township police caught him.

Considering Mr. Shover’s obvious deficiencies in the chomper department, stew meat seems like a pretty challenging choice.

And for all of you budding Meat Crimes historians out there, yes, this has happened before…

Man Arrested for Snacking on Raw Meat at Walmart

Borough police said 53-year-old Scott Shover opened packages of hamburger and stew beef and then ate some of the meat Monday afternoon before putting the packages back on the shelf for sale.
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Police said the meat was valued at about $25, but Shover was sent to Cumberland County Prison on a felony theft charge because its was his fifth shoplifting offense.

05/03/11 An Orangeburg woman said her 40-year-old son ate her leftover chicken Sunday evening without asking her permission, according to a Sheriff’s Office incident report.

The son acknowledged eating the leftover chicken but said he did not think his mother would call the law about the matter, the report said.

The mother requested her son be removed from the house. (Orangeburg, SC)

04/20/11 A homeowner caught a burglar eating chicken inside his kitchen late Tuesday night. Dylon David Elston, 21, of Wright Avenue, Kingston, was arraigned in Wilkes-Barre Central Court on charges of burglary, criminal trespass, theft and public drunkenness.

Brian Everhart told police that he heard a noise in his kitchen of his house on Reynolds Street and allegedly saw Elston eating chicken from the refrigerator.

Elston told Everhart he was looking for his friend’s house. Elston grabbed hot dogs from the freezer and ran out the back door, the criminal complaint says.

Police said they captured Elston in the 100 block of Nottingham Street. Elston denied he burglarized the house. (Plymouth, PA)

03/23/11 For the third time in less than a year, a Scranton man was arrested for retail theft on Monday after he allegedly slipped two packages of chicken into the lining of his coat at a South Main Avenue grocery store.

Officers found Robert McCullough, 43, 1617 Swetland St., hiding in a closet in an Eynon Street home after stealing the chicken then giving it back to an employee at Gerrity’s Supermarket, 702 S. Main Ave., before fighting with her and fleeing, police said. (Scranton, PA)

03/04/11 According to police, Joseph Lee Stringer, 27, of 350 Brewer Road, concealed a rotisserie chicken, chicken wings, a mouth guard and two toothbrushes down the front of his pants and left through the Garden Center of Walmart without paying for them. (Rome, GA)

Somewhere in Eastern Pennsylvania, a young lady expecting an exciting “23-cans of jumbo lump crab meat” evening is very disappointed.

Dashing Meat Thief Really Has a Thing for Canned Crab

George Jason Willis, 37, of New Castle, Del., was arrested Monday for allegedly stealing cans of jumbo lump crab meat from local Giant Food stores over the course of a month, according to police.
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Five containers of crab meat and two packs of razors worth a combined $180 were found on Willis during his arrest, police said.
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Police reportedly searched Willis’ car and found 18 cans of crab meat.

01/20/11 A television and a bag of meat were taken Tuesday afternoon from an apartment in the 400 block of East Mifflin Street. Loss is $460. (Lancaster, PA)

01/18/11 An Omaha man reported that while he slept, someone broke into his home, stole his television and ate his food.

The police report listed the following items as missing from the on the Carter Lake-area home: A 52-inch flat screen television with an estimated value of $4,000; a $30 frozen turkey; and $6 worth of sandwich meat.

Police reported that the suspect forced or kicked open the back door of the home, then ate and drank while inside the victim’s residence. (Omaha, NE)

01/04/11 Stringfield Road: A three-ton air conditioner was among items taken during a burglary to a residence between 6 p.m. Sunday and 5:51 a.m. Monday. Also taken were an unknown quantity of meats, pork chops and fish. (Huntsville, AL)

12/23/10 Theft at the 600 block of Hazelwood Road on 12/23 at 6:39 a.m.—Unlocked garage was entered—a ham and a pound cake were stolen from the freezer. (Haverford, PA)

12/06/10 An independent salesman who distributes meat for Chef’s Choice went to a sales call at Portland Court apartments on Nov. 1. The salesman brought three cases of meat with a total value of $600. A woman in one apartment tried to call in an order to verify her food-stamp account but could not get phone service inside. The salesman went outside, made the phone call and determined that the woman’s account had insufficient funds. He tried to go back inside, but the woman would not let him in. (Irondequoit, NY)

11/11/10 State police said someone stole 34 pounds of ham, 20 pounds of fish, a weed-eater and a leaf-blower from the garage of an East Hopewell Township home. Police said the theft happened between Sept. 29 and Oct. 6 at a home in the 14100 block of Hyson School Road. David Joines, 71, owned the garage, police said. (East Hopewell Township, PA)

11/09/10 Occurred at Wal-Mart, taken was a pacifier, two napkins, two harness buddies, two party horns, two party plates, two birthday candles, two light sticks, five greeting cards, one canister of popcorn chicken, and two guest of honor ribbons, valued at $68.00. (Ft. Payne, AL)

10/05/10 At 1:00 p.m., someone stole some slices of cured ham from a Food Lion on the 1600 block of Cross Link Road. (Raleigh, NC)