Bet this guy’s an in-demand guest for Thanksgiving.

Man Goes Berserk, Exposes Himself After Restaurant Runs Out Of Chicken Legs

A Gastonia man suspected of taking off his pants and exposing a fast food worker to his private parts over the restaurant’s lack of chicken legs has been arrested.

Jason Douglas Gross, 32, of 30 Ross St., was released on an unsecured bond after turning himself in around 1:30 a.m. Saturday.
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[O]nce the couple found out they were out of chicken legs, the man went berserk. [Worker] Green said the man asked her twice, “You don’t have any f——— legs?”

When she replied no, the man said “Here’s a f——— leg for you,” and pulled his jeans down slowly and then his boxer shorts, fully exposing his private parts, Green said.

Mr. Cox better start thinking up some fanciful crimes. Because “I tricked a 93 year old lady into thinking she won free meat” will assuredly not go over well in the slammer.

Fake Meat Salesman Arrested for “Free Meat” Scam

On December 20, 2010, Cox approached Lucy Moore, 93, of Stoneville, claiming that he worked for Omega Meats. Cox told Moore that she had won $1,000 worth of meat and, in order to claim the prize, she must first pay $80 in taxes. Moore handed Cox a $100 bill, after which Cox said he would return the $20 in change when he delivered the meat.

Cox never returned with the meat or the change.

11/11/10 State police said someone stole 34 pounds of ham, 20 pounds of fish, a weed-eater and a leaf-blower from the garage of an East Hopewell Township home. Police said the theft happened between Sept. 29 and Oct. 6 at a home in the 14100 block of Hyson School Road. David Joines, 71, owned the garage, police said. (East Hopewell Township, PA)

11/09/10 Occurred at Wal-Mart, taken was a pacifier, two napkins, two harness buddies, two party horns, two party plates, two birthday candles, two light sticks, five greeting cards, one canister of popcorn chicken, and two guest of honor ribbons, valued at $68.00. (Ft. Payne, AL)

10/05/10 At 1:00 p.m., someone stole some slices of cured ham from a Food Lion on the 1600 block of Cross Link Road. (Raleigh, NC)

An unfortunate end to what looks like was shaping up to be a spectacular evening.

Meat Thieves Lead Police on High Speed Chase

Hendersonville police chased an SUV through neighborhood streets Tuesday after a man and a woman fled The Fresh Market on Greenville Highway with $60 worth of stolen meat, the Hendersonville Police Department said.

The 15-minute chase ended when the driver of the black 1992 Isuzu Trooper took a sharp turn onto South Whitted Street from Hebron Road and lost control. The SUV hit an embankment and rolled onto its side.

……

Fluids from the SUV ran down the street, littered with shampoo bottles, flip flops and other items that fell out of the vehicle when it crashed. Police searched the Isuzu as the fluids were soaked up and found open containers, a BB gun and the package of meat stolen from the grocery store.

07/13/10 A Sarasota County man is charged with possession of an alligator. 33-year-old Jeffrey Thursam was arrested Saturday after North Port Police found the dead reptile’s meat in his refrigerator and on a plate of it in the man’s home.

North Port police reported finding the carcass while responding to a disturbance at his home.

Witnesses told police Thursam attacked the alligator with a shovel and then processed its meat. Thursam was released on $250,000 bond. (North Port, FL)

07/11/10 An employee of Orange County Waste Management told police on Wednesday that someone spray painted an anarchy symbol and the word “meat” on Dumpsters at the recycling center at 104 N.C. 54. (Chapel Hill, NC)

While the article goes on to debunk the theory of bologna’s corrosive properties, it does help explain the perplexing trend that caused us to create the “lunch meat on a car” tag.

When a 19-year-old Hickory woman returned to her car after working her shift at the Valley Hills Mall, she was greeted by a rude surprise.

Ten pieces of bologna had been left on her Nissan Sentra, Monday night.

Why?

According to the Police report, “Bologna is known to take the paint off a vehicle.”

Burglars steal Jesus statue, ketchup, meat and dog from home

Poor Chuck seems to be a bit more broken up about the theft of the ketchup and the pudding than little Bootsey.

“They took a bottle of liquor, They took a Jesus statue,” he said. “They took some meat out of the freezer. They took some ketchup. Some pudding, some Diet Dr. Pepper, some Two Liter drinks.

One thing missing from his home can be called a heartbreaker. He said, “They took the dog.”

Chuck had just bought him two weeks ago. “A little Chihuahua probably full blooded.” he said, the dog named Bootsey.

05/24/10 Burglars broke into the Subway restaurant at 2251 E. University Ave. in Des Moines over the weekend and took several pounds of food, but no money. The burglars took 6 pounds of ham, 4 pounds of turkey, 8 pounds of roast beef, 10 pounds of cold cuts, 12 pounds of cheese, a case of beverages, 96 cookies and four to six loaves of bread, detectives said Monday. The burglars also made some sandwiches for themselves before they left. Officers have no suspects. (Des Moines, IA) 

05/22/10 Stolen items: Two Hamburger Helper packages, six Oodles of Noodles packages, two Vienna Sausages packages. Details: The store clerk, Tammy Peace, notified police after a man stole food items from the store, according to a Shelby Police report. The clerk told officers that the suspect was concealing items. Peace asked the suspect if he was going to pay for the items and he said no and left, according to the report. (Shelby, NC)

04/15/10 Someone stuffed cake under the door handles and smeared cake on the window of a white Pontiac Grand Prix in a parking lot at 100 W. Butterfield Road between 9 p.m. Friday and 8:05 a.m. Saturday. The car owner said someone had put taco meat on the car a month ago. (Elmhurst, IL)

04/15/10 A woman accused someone of placing rotting meat in her trash can Tuesday night on Melton Court. The alleged meat dumper was later admonished. (Red Bluff, CA)

04/14/10 1900 block of Ebenezer Church Road in Coats, reported at 11:57 a.m. Monday, tools, ladder and 12 pounds of bacon taken. (Lillington, NC)

04/14/10 A man was issued a trespass warning after a manager at a grocery store in the 1900 block of Northeast Fifth Avenue saw him stuffing two packs of steak, valued at $20 each, down his pants. (Boca Raton, FL)