So much for the theory that sausage tames the savage drunk. He probably should have opted for bacon.

A 44-year-old Hurlock, Md.  woman was arrested Tuesday on charges of assault after she allegedly hit and scratched her husband after he was found cooking sausage early in the morning.
…
Cecil Ricardo Wise, who was present during the incident, said Belinda Sparks hit and scratched Kenneth Sparks. Officers noticed a strong odor of alcohol coming from Kenneth and Belinda Sparks, according to charging documents.

(Photo: Bob B. Brown via Flickr)

If they’d pulled off this heist, something tells me that lobster would currently be skittering around in a grimy bathtub and this guy would be blowing his top because it wouldn’t eat the gummy worms he grabbed it for dinner.

We’ve seen a few big time refrigerated truck meat heists involving firearms, but this might be the first localized armed meat robbery we’ve documented. Guy wasn’t looking for cash. Just cold, wet steak.

Be careful out there.

01/13/10 A woman from the 18000 block of Cruzon Grade Road reported someone had tried to pry open a Conex box. She also found a generator door open and the keys to her Toyota 4Runner were missing. She said last month someone stole bacon and whipping cream from an outdoor cooler. She was concerned there was a prowler in the neighborhood. (Nevada City, CA)

01/10/10 A Gastonia man is accused of trying to take pork chops and liver mush without paying for them local grocery store.

According to a citation, Randy Lee McAbee, 50, of 2017 Willimax Ave., Gastonia, concealed a pack of pork chops and a pack of liver mush valued at $17 at the Food Lion on Garrison Boulevard in Gastonia on Jan. 8.

Gastonia Officer D.P. Meck also cited McAbee for being drunk and disruptive and threatening the officer, according to the citation.
(Gastonia, NC)

12/31/09 3900 block of East 23rd Street, Dec. 31 - A man allegedly struck his former girlfriend because she left chicken wings on his counter. (Des Moines, IA)

01/07/10 Maryland Natural Resources Police charged a Dorchester County seafood dealer with possession of undersize oysters.

On Jan. 7, NRP inspected a seafood truck in Wingate Marina, and a random sample of the cargo revealed 9 percent undersize oysters.

Police charged Adrien Leo Hansen, 74, of Cambridge with possession of undersize oysters. Hansen is the owner of Hansen Seafood and was buying oysters from the commercial waterman.

He was fined $155 and is set to appear Feb. 17 in Maryland District Court in Cambridge. (Cambridge, MD)

01/09/10 A dine-and-dash at a Bridgeport-area restaurant Friday ended with one of the suspects getting a driving-while-intoxicated charge when troopers caught up with him, state police said.

Barry S. Silmser, 47, of Tuscarora Road, Chittenango, was charged with DWI about 8:30 p.m. after he was pulled over on McGraw Road in the town of Sullivan, troopers said. Silmser’s blood-alcohol content was 0.09 percent, one percent over the legal limit.

Silmser and another man ordered beer and chicken wings but left the restaurant without paying, troopers said. The men drove off in a black Ford F150 pickup truck, restaurant employees told troopers. Trooper Eric Knapp recognized the truck from the description and pulled it over.

Silmser was not charged with theft of services after he agreed to pay the restaurant for the wings and beer at a later time, troopers said. (Sullivan, NY)

01/08/10 A Salisbury man was arrested on theft charges this week after getting nabbed with steaks and a purse stolen from a Berlin grocery store.

Around 11 a.m. on Tuesday, Berlin Police were advised of a theft of a purse from a vehicle at the Food Lion shopping center. Witnesses told police a suspect, later identified as Terrill Pitts, 39, of Salisbury, had taken the purse and placed it in a vehicle. Berlin police watched the suspect’s vehicle until Pitts returned. When Pitts was asked to exit the vehicle, the officer observed the suspect attempting to conceal something under his jacket.

Berlin police and Worcester County Sheriff’s deputies had to physically restrain Pitts after they made several requests of the suspect to show his hands. Pitts was found to be concealing a package of top sirloin steak from the Food Lion in his pants under his jacket, according to police reports. In addition, the stolen purse was located on the floor of the vehicle, partially concealed by a black leather coat. Police also recovered two packages of bottom round steak allegedly stolen from the Save-A-Lot store in Berlin during a search of the vehicle.

Pitts was charged with three counts of theft under $100 and rogue and vagabond. He was released on his own recognizance. (Berlin, MD)

01/06/10 When Lance David Ziegler was told Wednesday by his wife that she was leaving him, he picked up a meatloaf that was on the couple’s kitchen table and smeared it into her face, according to a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office report.

She called authorities and when deputies arrived, they found his wife’s face slightly red with a small amount of sauce on it.

Ziegler, 39, was arrested at the couple’s home in the 10300 block of Spoonbill Road West around 7:45 p.m. Wednesday and charged with domestic battery.

A web designer, he denied that he hit his wife. Bond was to be determined. (Manatee County, FL)

12/24/09 Retail theft of a beef chimichanga and a corn dog was reported at Wal-Mart. (Bartow, FL)

11/24/09 A local bar owner is hoping surveillance video will help lead police to a burglar who struck early Monday morning.

The crook was caught on camera breaking into the Cadillac Bar downtown. Police say he made off with plasma TVs, liquor and even frozen turkeys.

The owner, Jesse Medina, says he is most upset about the turkeys. They were supposed to go to his employees for Thanksgiving.

The burglar didn’t get away easy, though. Police say he was hurt when a TV fell on him, leaving the suspect’s blood at the scene.

Investigators also have the finger prints.

Medina plans to offer a $1,000 reawrd for information leading to the arrest. (San Antonio, TX)

11/24/09 A robber ordered a meal at Esaan Thai Restaurant in York Monday afternoon, waited until the food was ready and then pulled a gun and demanded cash from the employee, according to York City Police.

The robber made off with $320 and a shrimp and chicken dinner.

The robbery happened just after 1:30 p.m., police said. The restaurant, which opened in the spring, is located in the first block of North Beaver Street. (York, PA)

11/24/09 A resident in the 2700 block of North Murco Drive reported raw meat and parts of an animal carcass were left on his car overnight between 11:30 p.m. Saturday and 10 a.m. Sunday, according to a police report. The man reportedly heard sounds around midnight and looked out the window but didn’t see anything.

No details on what type of animal or what had been done to it were available. (Mineral Wells, TX)

11/24/09 Police called to check out two suspicious-looking men selling meats from the back of a van found that one of them was wanted on Dorchester County arrest warrants. The meat was being sold in the area of Ann Drive on Monday without the Health Department’s permission, police said. And the van’s driver, Dwayne Terrel Lake, 30, of Cambridge, was wanted by authorities in his home county for second-degree assault and destruction of property charges.

Police said Lake was arrested, taken to a District Court commissioner and held on $25,000 bond. The van and the meat he was selling were held by the Health Department. Police did not say if the second man was charged with any offenses. (Berlin, MD)

Somewhere in Maryland someone could be unexpectedly hurtling toward damnation via barbecued chicken.

10/05/09 Burglary Of A Habitation; 1700 Block of Eliza Street. Complainant reported that unknown suspects had entered a residence and stole some meat. (Nacogdoches, TX)

10/01/09 Theft/arrest A 20-year-old Dundalk-area man was arrested Tuesday when he attempted to leave the Save-A-Lot in the 2000 block of Maryland Ave. without paying for six packages of pork chops, all valued at nearly $32. Detained by a store security officer and charged with theft by city police was Stephen W. Morgan of the 1900 bloc of Nevill Road. (Baltimore, MD)

09/30/09 Daniel Siadak, 48, of Oak Lawn was charged with theft of services and two counts of resisting arrest earlier this month after he walked out of Hooters of Oak Lawn at 9159 Cicero Ave. without paying for a $6 order of chicken wings, police said.

Siadak resisted arrest when two police officers arrived at his trailer park in the 9000 block of Cicero Avenue, police said. (Oak Lawn, IL)

09/27/09 Shoplifting | On Sept. 27 in Longs, a supermarket employee saw a woman, 45, pick up two packs of steaks and go into the bathroom. When she came out, she quickly exited the store.

A customer told an employee that the woman’s purse was packed with something. They tried to stop the woman but she left.

An employee recognized her and gave police her address. Responding officers went to the woman’s house, arrested her and took her to jail, but could not recover the stolen steaks because they had been consumed. (Longs, SC)

09/20/09 James Thomas Thrash II, 30, of the 4800 block of Monticello Avenue in Hope Mills, was charged Friday with breaking and entering, larceny and possession of stolen goods. Thrash is accused of breaking into a house and stealing money, hamburger patties, steaks, two boxes of chicken nuggets, a Tony Stewart jacket and a Jimmy Johnson jacket. Bail was set at $5,000. (Fayetteville, NC)

09/18/09 Retail theft of popcorn chicken was reported at Wal-Mart. (Bartow, FL)