We can only hope that Ms. Appling gained some confidence knowing she made the police blotter all on her own.

Punching, Spitting, Pepper-Spraying Meat Thief Arrested At Piggly Wiggly

Meet Lonneshia Shafaye Appling.

The Georgia woman, 26, was so determined to shoplift beer, bacon, cheese, and chicken wings from a Piggly Wiggly that she punched, spit at, and pepper-sprayed store workers who confronted her as she tried to flee the supermarket Wednesday afternoon, according to cops.
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Appling kept spraying as several workers tried to keep her from fleeing. The 340-pound Appling also allegedly punched [worker Jonathan] Orr in the face and spit on the 28-year-old employee. As she successfully bolted from the Athens store, Appling “was dropping beer cans out of her purse.”
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While in police custody, Appling…asked Officer Nathaniel Franco if her arrest would make the police blotter, requesting that the cop make his report “more interesting so that her arrest would make” the department’s compendium of notable incidents.

If you invite the nearby shack-dwelling lady to use your facilities, don’t be surprised when she pilfers your ham, pork chops and bacon.

Man Reports Woman Used His Bathroom Then Stole Meats From His Refrigerator

A Winder man reported he let a woman enter his residence to use the bathroom and she repaid the favor by helping herself to meats from his refrigerator.
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[T]he complainant said he had let the woman in to use his bathroom and then heard her open his refrigerator before leaving. When the man checked, he noticed ham, pork chops and bacon missing.
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The resident told police he knows the woman from the neighborhood as she was living in a shack behind a house nearby.

Apparently Ed Tolley (pictured) is the “better call Saul” for Georgian meat criminals…

Officers were arresting an Athens woman for shoplifting at an Eastside supermarket Monday afternoon, when her husband rode up on a bicycle and yelled at officers that he was going to call a prominent Athens defense attorney, Athens-Clarke police said.

A manager of Piggly Wiggly, 4025 Lexington Road, called 911 after he detained the 42-year-old shoplifter for putting two cans of beer, a pack of hot dogs and some bacon in her purse, police said.

Her husband showed up as officers took her into custody, police said, and as he cursed out the officers he told them he was going to “call Ed Tolley,” according to police.

The man pedaled away on his bike after officers threatened to arrest him for disorderly conduct, police said.

06/08/11 A Farmers Bridge Road resident called deputies when he came home from vacation to find his ex-babysitter in his home during the wee hours of the night. When he asked her to leave, she threw a box of chicken to the floor and made her getaway in a go-cart with another man, according to a report filed at the Burke County Sheriff‘s Office. (Hephzibah, GA)

06/07/11 On Audubon Drive, Lourdes Ludlow maintained that neighbor Denise Tijerian threw a piece of fried chicken in the driveway.

Mr. Tijerian said his wife didn’t throw anything in the neighbor’s direction. (Chattanooga, TN)

3/13/11 A Martinez boy became enraged and started ransacking his home Tuesday when he saw his mother cooking Hamburger Helper for dinner.

After returning home from baseball practice, the 12-year-old saw his mother cooking Hamburger Helper instead of hamburgers and started screaming at her. He then took the pot off the stove and threw it at a door.

The boy started hitting his father when he tried to calm him. He then threw things around the house and broke windows with a wooden board.

When police arrived, the boy complained of injuries but was cleared by emergency personnel.

The boy was arrested for assault and criminal trespass and was taken to the Regional Youth Detention Center. (Martinez, GA)

03/23/11 For the third time in less than a year, a Scranton man was arrested for retail theft on Monday after he allegedly slipped two packages of chicken into the lining of his coat at a South Main Avenue grocery store.

Officers found Robert McCullough, 43, 1617 Swetland St., hiding in a closet in an Eynon Street home after stealing the chicken then giving it back to an employee at Gerrity’s Supermarket, 702 S. Main Ave., before fighting with her and fleeing, police said. (Scranton, PA)

03/04/11 According to police, Joseph Lee Stringer, 27, of 350 Brewer Road, concealed a rotisserie chicken, chicken wings, a mouth guard and two toothbrushes down the front of his pants and left through the Garden Center of Walmart without paying for them. (Rome, GA)

Our only plausible theory had been that this person was recently thawed at a cryogenic facility, until it was noted he is a repeat offender. Guess some people just crave the freshness of a home cooked Gordita Supreme.

Interesting fact of the day: A case of Taco Meat Filling is worth $28.57.

01/21/11 A man toting his fried chicken dinner was robbed at gunpoint Wednesday night on Houston Avenue.

The man had just left Church’s Chicken about 5 p.m. when two young men on bicycles and two teens confronted him near Sylvian Drive, according to a news release from the Macon Police Department.

One of the teens pulled a pistol and the group stole the man’s chicken and fled.

Police captured three of the juveniles nearby on Worsham Avenue but the fourth escaped. The young men are each charged as adults with one count of armed robbery, the release stated. (Macon, GA)

01/02/11 A bike-riding thief snatched a bag containing a steak biscuit and potato rounds from an Augusta waterworks employee Sunday in the parking lot of the Shell gas station at 3428 Mike Padgett Highway.

The thief, who rode away on a “small bicycle,” flashed a 6-inch knife at Brian Richards and grabbed the bag after Richards refused to give him money about 10:30 a.m. (Augusta, GA)

Now that we’ve watched 2010 careen over the horizon on a bicycle with five pounds of ribeye down its slacks, it’s time for you to vote on Meat Criminal of the Year!

While the below are our top five picks, if you don’t see your preferred dirtbag, we’re open to write-ins. Shockingly, the list is not totally dominated by the denizens of Florida, but with two entries, the state is finely represented. The list is, however, chock full of dudes. Ladies, let’s step it up for 2011!

OUR CONTESTANTS

  OHIO Man Arrested After Attacking ATM, Stealing Meat, Orange Flavored Mad Dog and CO2 Tank

  FLORIDA Elderly Man Shoplifts 100 Pounds of Clams After Blowing Social Security on Tattoo

  FLORIDA One-Eyed Meat Thief on Motorized Scooter will F*ck You Up!

  MISSOURI Charges Filed Against Lawnmower Riding, Hot Dog Eating Man On Epic Crime Spree

  INDIANA Man Goes on Supermarket Meat Rampage, Wants to Save Young Girls from Beef

  GEORGIA Meat Crime Blotter - Special “Why Can’t a Sex Offender Eat Hot Dogs Behind a Day Care Center’s Dumpster in Peace?” Edition

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AND FINALLY, since no Meat Criminal was identified, our hands-down favorite story of the year could not be included in the vote. But we thank you, Oklahoma, for your tidy stack of wild boars in a Carl’s Jr. drive-thru.

We look forward to bringing many thrilling new Meat Crimes to your attention in the New Year!

(“Grand Prix Moose” photo by Frank Trana)

11/05/10 A 59-year-old man was arrested Nov. 5 and charged with theft after being found with 17 items from the Dollar Tree, according to his notice to appear in court from the Okalooa County Sheriff’s Office.

Among the stolen items were six Tilapia filets, two packages of ham, turkey bacon, one box of Bakery Bites, a three-prong outlet, a two-way splitter and a telephone jack. (Mary Esther, FL)

11/24/10 A man looking forward to a hot date took 14 tubes of toothpaste, 10 sticks of deodorant, a 3-piece chicken dinner and eight packs of condoms from the Sandy Springs Publix on Hammond Drive, police said. Jail toothpaste is free, police said. (Atlanta, GA)