09/13/11 A woman called police at 10:02 a.m. Monday to report someone left chicken parts and mustard all over her front lawn on the 900 block of Lavender Court. She said last month someone left pigs feet on her front path. (Tracy, CA)

08/13/11 A woman watching her daughter’s house on South Stone Avenue while the daughter was away reported that someone left a store-bought chicken on the front doorstep. (La Grange, IL)

Somewhere a curious monkey wonders when the Man will return with the delicious hams he promised.

Cowboy Arrested for Stealing Fake Hams

The faux display hams at Honey Sliced Ham on Guerneville Avenue in Santa Rosa were convincing enough to fool a cowboy hat-wearing thief who bashed in a glass door late Wednesday night and loaded garbage bags with … sandwiches, maccaroni salad and three foil-wrapped “hams” taken from a refrigerated display case and apparently believed to be actual hams, police said.

Sorry to break it to everybody, but your Fourth of July Iguana Luau has been canceled.

159 Pounds of Iguana Meat Seized At US/Mexican Border

A border inspection of fish turned even fishier when officers found 159 pounds of iguana meat hidden underneath, the U.S. Customs and Border Protection office said Wednesday.
…
The green iguana species, which is native to the Americas, is not endangered and its meat is a traditional delicacy in parts of Mexico.

The meat, all 159 pounds, was turned over to Fish and Wildlife.

This situation is so baffling because what kind of person a) turns down free meat, and b) starts shooting up the joint after turning down free meat?

Clearly this gentleman just does not care for pork chops.

Man Threatens Neighbor with Shotgun After Turning Down Offer of Pork Chops

Burciaga and Cobb had encountered each other at their mail boxes and Cobb had offered Burciaga some pork chops to have for his dinner later…

Burciaga declined the offer and when Cobb allegedly persisted, Burciaga pushed Cobb away and the two got into a brief physical altercation. [T]he altercation ended and both men returned to their respective homes.

Approximately one minute later, Cobb was outside of his home working on his motorcycle when Burciaga came out of his home with a shotgun. As Burciaga walked towards Cobb, he fired one shot into the air and then pointed the gun at Cobb, stating he would shoot him…

09/08/10 Security at Whole Foods Market near Fenway turned the catch of the day over to police.

Store officials told police that James Watson of Boston allegedly stuffed three bags of frozen Wild Key West Pink Shrimp down his pants and tried tailing it out of the store without paying Sunday afternoon, according to a police report. Watson was arrested and charged with shoplifting and trespassing. (Boston, MA)

9/23/10 A shoplifter is caught with shrimp in an unusual spot. Police reports show, Josephine Venzor, 41, was caught shoplifting shrimp at the HEB on Barrow Street.

According to the report, Venzor was caught with a bag of shrimp hidden in her bra. Police also say she had two bags of shrimp in her purse. The three bags were valued at over $100. Venzor was arrested for theft and according the APD, she has two prior convictions. (Abilene, TX)

10/01/10 Reporting Party wants to report a large quantity of shrimp found under his mattress. (Santa Barbara, CA)

09/08/10 Security at Whole Foods Market near Fenway turned the catch of the day over to police.

Store officials told police that James Watson of Boston allegedly stuffed three bags of frozen Wild Key West Pink Shrimp down his pants and tried tailing it out of the store without paying Sunday afternoon, according to a police report. Watson was arrested and charged with shoplifting and trespassing. (Boston, MA)

9/23/10 A shoplifter is caught with shrimp in an unusual spot. Police reports show, Josephine Venzor, 41, was caught shoplifting shrimp at the HEB on Barrow Street.

According to the report, Venzor was caught with a bag of shrimp hidden in her bra. Police also say she had two bags of shrimp in her purse. The three bags were valued at over $100. Venzor was arrested for theft and according the APD, she has two prior convictions. (Abilene, TX)

10/01/10 Reporting Party wants to report a large quantity of shrimp found under his mattress. (Santa Barbara, CA)

09/07/10 A 35-year-old Huntington Beach man was arrested at East Coast Highway and Morning Canyon Road at 12:45 p.m. Saturday and booked on suspicion of residential burglary.

The man is accused of forcing his way through a doggy door of a relative’s home on Serra Drive, although he was not allowed to be at that location, said Sgt. Steve Burdette. The man is accused of stealing three sausage links, one avocado and one string cheese, police said. His bail was set at $50,000, according to an arrest report. (Corona del Mar, CA)

08/04/10 A piece of bologna left on a truck parked on Chad Circle caused paint damage on Aug. 4. (Greece, NY)

08/14/10 A can of beef jerky was stolen from the 30 block of 30th Street between 1:30 and 1:35 p.m. Thursday. (Newark, OH)

08/13/10 3:32 p.m.: Three teenage boys in a silver Volvo pulled up in the West Valley Mall parking lot in front of Barnes and Noble, 3150 Naglee Road, and proceed to put on disguises, including dark hoodies, glasses and fake mustaches. People reported further suspicious behavior by the teens, and police finally tracked them down. They said they were trying to sneak up on, and take photos of, a friend who just started working at Hot Dog on a Stick. (Tracy, CA)

08/01/10 Sparkman Drive: A pork butt, plums, bananas and two containers of Lunchables were among the items stolen from Walmart at 9:15 p.m. Friday. (Huntsville, AL)

07/24/10 5:41 p.m. — A caller from the 11000 block of Casci Road reported a possible burglary in progress. A man attempting to sell meat in the neighborhood now had his vehicle backed into another residence’s driveway and when approached, began to rake. He could not be located. (Nevada City, CA)

07/21/10 A Sumter Street resident reported that someone entered her apartment while she was in the shower and took her fiance’s wallet and a package of frozen chicken. (Aiken, SC)

07/12/10 North Parker Street, 100 block: Stolen sour cream, beef steak and bacon-flavored topping. 7:49 p.m. (Olathe, KS)