In a way, you do have to admire the criminal efficiency of cutting out the KFC middle man.
Man Arrested In Attack Over Fried Chicken
A Bloomington man was attacked and knocked to the ground by a man who wanted to steal his bucket of fried chicken, police said.
A 22-year-old man was walking home in the 500 block of South Park Ridge Road just before 1 a.m. Wednesday when he was confronted, police said. Sean M. Nelson, 24, demanded the man give him his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, and began slapping and punching him when he refused.
It appears Manatee County has fairly loosey-goosey interpretations of “armed robbery” and “resisting arrest without violence.”
Man “Sticks Up” 7-Eleven for Four Loko, Condoms, Cheeseburger
Roger Crawford was taken into custody by Manatee County Sheriff’s deputies early Friday after they said he walked into a 7-Eleven store, placed items under his shirt, pointed his fingers at the clerks like guns and walked out of the store.
[He] was found a short time later hiding behind a shed about 150 yards away from the store.
A can of orange Four Loko was found where Crawford was hiding. Also, a ‘7-Eleven’ cheeseburger, a Red Bull drink can and condoms were recovered.
Crawford has been charged with armed robbery and resisting arrest without violence.
Let this be a lesson to all aspiring meat criminals: diversification ain’t just for stock portfolios…
Repeat Crab Leg Thief Nabbed After Low-Speed Chase, Banned From Entire Supermarket Chain
There is an update today on the man accused of stealing crab legs from a supermarket last week. News10NBC has learned the suspect has a record and has been banned from ever entering any Tops [Friendly Markets] location.
Johnnie Levert of Rochester was arraigned Thursday morning in Canandaigua City Court. State Police say he stole crab legs from the Tops in Perinton last Wednesday.
The very next day, investigators say he stole crab legs from the Tops in Canandaigua. After leading police on a low-speed chase, he was arrested in Bushnell’s Basin.
If you invite the nearby shack-dwelling lady to use your facilities, don’t be surprised when she pilfers your ham, pork chops and bacon.
Man Reports Woman Used His Bathroom Then Stole Meats From His Refrigerator
A Winder man reported he let a woman enter his residence to use the bathroom and she repaid the favor by helping herself to meats from his refrigerator.
[T]he complainant said he had let the woman in to use his bathroom and then heard her open his refrigerator before leaving. When the man checked, he noticed ham, pork chops and bacon missing.
The resident told police he knows the woman from the neighborhood as she was living in a shack behind a house nearby.
Yet another murky legal area cleared up, courtesy of the state of Florida.
Apparently It’s Still “Prostitution” When You Trade Sex For Dollar Menu Cheeseburgers
A woman was arrested in a prostitution sting — but not before she got two double cheeseburgers off the dollar menu at a McDonald’s.
After the undercover detective invited Baker into his car and the talk turned to sex, she said her fee would be two double cheeseburgers from the dollar menu at McDonald’s, the report states.
The detective bought the burgers for $2.75 and then Baker told him that he could also tip her $40 for her services…
This most shocking element of this story is that she actually found a pay phone with which to call in the complaints.
Woman Arrested After Calling 911 About “Nasty” Hardee’s Burger
An East Tennessee woman was taken into police custody because she called 911 dispatchers about a hamburger she didn’t enjoy.
Officers said in the report that Nichols called 911 twice from a pay phone about concerns over what she called “nasty food” from a Hardee’s in Rockwood. According to the police report, Nichols said the restaurant wouldn’t give her the money back that she paid for a meal.
Hey ladies, I don’t see a mention of a wife or girlfriend in this article…
Man Eats Roasted Chicken, Tosses Bones In Lobster Tank, Assaults Cop With Cane
A man’s escapade through an Edwardsville supermarket landed him in jail Sunday after he devoured a roasted chicken, dumped the remnants in a live lobster tank, threatened shocked employees and assaulted the responding officer with his cane, police said.
Police said Allan Randall’s wild antics at Price Chopper also included him consuming an apple and a bottle of Sobe water, shaking up 2-liter bottles of soda before returning them to the shelf and stomping on other food products.
In the end, Randall ate or ruined about $210 in products and forced the lobster tank to be shut down after being contaminated by the eaten chicken remnants and bones, police said.
The Wild West of our dreams comes alive!
“Outlaw” Throws Stolen Meat, Cheese At Officers
James Outlaw ran into Chelsea Food and Fuel and grabbed the deli meat and cheese, but was spotted by the clerk who nearly thwarted the theft by remotely locking the business’ door…
However, officers said the 47-year-old didn’t let the door’s lock stop him. They said Outlaw rammed the door repeatedly until it eventually sprang open.
Police say they later spotted him walking down the street, but before they could arrest him, Outlaw began hurling the stolen food at them.
I wish to subscribe to this gentleman’s conflict resolution newsletter.
Told He Can’t Take Hamburger Home, Man Returns, Spray Paints “Jesus Cocaine” Everywhere
Lufkin Police have arrested a man for allegedly spray painting “Jesus Cocaine” on walls at a Lufkin business because he was upset about not getting a take-out hamburger.
Several windows appeared to have been shot out. Crosses and nondescript text accompanied the spray paint on the walls, which said “Jesus Cocaine,” according to the report.
A detective spoke with the owner of the [Dealers Auto Auction], who said that hamburgers were being served that day. The owner said he had a verbal altercation with Saxton, telling the man that he could not take a hamburger home, because there was nothing to contain it.
Apparently Ed Tolley (pictured) is the “better call Saul” for Georgian meat criminals…
Officers were arresting an Athens woman for shoplifting at an Eastside supermarket Monday afternoon, when her husband rode up on a bicycle and yelled at officers that he was going to call a prominent Athens defense attorney, Athens-Clarke police said.
A manager of Piggly Wiggly, 4025 Lexington Road, called 911 after he detained the 42-year-old shoplifter for putting two cans of beer, a pack of hot dogs and some bacon in her purse, police said.
Her husband showed up as officers took her into custody, police said, and as he cursed out the officers he told them he was going to “call Ed Tolley,” according to police.
The man pedaled away on his bike after officers threatened to arrest him for disorderly conduct, police said.