Despite being spectacularly blotto, this woman had the presence of mind to safely deposit the ribs in her home before returning to stalk her beau. You can understand why he fell for her in the first place.

Woman Beats Up Boyfriend, Steals His Ribs and Booze

The man said his girlfriend showed up intoxicated, started screaming at him and struck him in the face with her right hand. He said he then left the residence to avoid further physical confrontation and when he returned, his home was in disarray. The woman reportedly broke the man’s eyeglasses, stole a rack of ribs and liquor, smeared beans on the top of the stove, unplugged all the TV and sound system equipment, kicked over a grill and took his car keys.
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While the officer was interviewing the resident, a witness arrived to return the man’s car keys and said his rack of ribs was at her house and his girlfriend was in her truck parked down the street. 

Aw, thanks Tumblr!

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Committing the Crime of Meat

Three years ago, Brooklyn writer/author/comedian Anita Serwacki created a blog called Meat Crimes. It’s pretty much what it sounds like: stories about crimes that involve meat. A meat crime wire service, if you will, complete with tipline. As the rest of us head out to BBQ this holiday, Serwacki told us what drew her to the art of meat (crimes).

So, seriously. How’d you end up making a blog about meat crimes?

My pal Layna and I have long enjoyed sharing meat-related news stories with each other. One day I thought, “Isn’t there a goddamn meat crime wire service we can subscribe to?” And there wasn’t. I couldn’t believe it! So I stepped up to fill that void.

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Thanks for leaving us hanging, article. We’d like to know whether or not he finally convinced the meat guys to take the check.

Check Bouncer’s Husband Threatens Meat Delivery Men At Gunpoint, Rams Their Truck

Two workers from Iowa Steak Company made a delivery to a home in the 1000 block of Shawnee in April. However, they refused to hand over the merchandise when the woman at the door tried to pay with a check.

The men later told police she had written three bad checks to the company in the past.

After a brief argument with the woman, the workers called police. While they waited, the woman’s husband, Charles Mack, allegedly came outside and threatened them at gunpoint.

But instead of opening fire, police say Mack decided to use his own truck as a weapon.  According to the Iowa Steak Company workers, Mack tried to push their truck down the street with his own vehicle.

This story has a soundtrack. It begins with the bad ass theme to Isaac Hayes’ “Truck Turner,” and then shifts to a poorly performed organ version of “Inka Dinka Doo” for the license plate portion.

Man Stuffs Meat In Pants, Runs Over Man’s Foot During Getaway

An Oakland Park man stuffed $53 worth of meat down his pants, darted out a grocery store and then ran over a man’s foot as he fled in his car, according to a Broward Sheriff’s Office report.
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That’s when a passerby, Joseph Patrick, saw what was happening, went over to [Richard Homer] Smith’s white 1999 Mercury and yelled at him to stop.

Smith instead backed his car up and struck Patrick, running over his left foot and knocking him down to the ground, according to the report.

As Smith left the scene, he stopped to remove his license plate and threw it out. It was later recovered by authorities and used to learn his identity.

C’mon. Everyone knows you steal the meat, then make your getaway on a bicycle. You don’t use the meat to beat the crap out of a guy on a bicycle. Damn amateur.

Man Attacked Stranger With Stolen Sausage Links

A Holbrook man was charged after police said he attacked and robbed a Brockton man using stolen sausage links and a wrench at West Street and Forest Avenue Sunday morning.

The victim told police he was riding his bike about 8 a.m. Sunday when Michael A. Baker, whom he does not know, came up to him “and started swinging sausage links at him,” Lt. David Dickinson said Sunday.

“He said he was trying to hit him with that. The victim had no idea why,” Dickinson said.

Baker then threw stolen meat, bread and cheese he was carrying into a nearby barrel “and began smashing the victim with a wrench,” Dickinson said.

Wishes aren’t crab legs, Mr. Lopatic. Nope. Wishes are most definitely not crab legs.

Man On Trial For All-You-Can-Eat Crab Legs Assault

A man’s appetite got him into trouble at an all-you-can-eat buffet when another patron beat him up for taking all the crab legs…

Omar Shabazz Thomas is on trial for allegedly beating Michael Lopatic last year when he became enraged because Lopatic had emptied a container of crab legs at the Star Buffet in East Lampeter Township.

Thomas, 21, verbally insulted Lopatic and repeatedly punched him, breaking the Lancaster man’s glasses and injuring his ribs…
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“You couldn’t have felt more demoralized,” [Lopatic] said on the witness stand. “I wish I would have just given him my crab legs.”

If that meat went back in the cooler, some lucky shopper will be serving excitement burgers tonight!

Hurling Hamburger At Store Employees Makes For Unsuccessful Getaway

Hervalvoypoy Frencher, 29, was seen leaving a Bashas’ with several bags of unpurchased groceries around 5 p.m. near Brown Road and Mesa Drive, police said.

After store employees asked her to return the groceries, Frencher reportedly punched an employee in the face and threw two five-pound hamburger packages at them, according to police.
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The hamburger packages were recovered and returned to the store, police said.

Photo: Fox 10 Phoenix

This kind of thing would happen far less frequently if McDonald’s just installed private crying booths in their restaurants.

Man Arrested For Sprawling Out On McDonald’s Counter, Shouting About Cheeseburger

A Roxbury man was charged with causing a disturbance over a cheeseburger inside a McDonald’s on Friday.
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When officers went inside, they observed the suspect spread across the service counter shouting at employees about a cheeseburger.

Police said the employees were in fear and standing away from the service counter. The man’s behavior was also preventing other customers from placing their orders.

We can only hope that Ms. Appling gained some confidence knowing she made the police blotter all on her own.

Punching, Spitting, Pepper-Spraying Meat Thief Arrested At Piggly Wiggly

Meet Lonneshia Shafaye Appling.

The Georgia woman, 26, was so determined to shoplift beer, bacon, cheese, and chicken wings from a Piggly Wiggly that she punched, spit at, and pepper-sprayed store workers who confronted her as she tried to flee the supermarket Wednesday afternoon, according to cops.
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Appling kept spraying as several workers tried to keep her from fleeing. The 340-pound Appling also allegedly punched [worker Jonathan] Orr in the face and spit on the 28-year-old employee. As she successfully bolted from the Athens store, Appling “was dropping beer cans out of her purse.”
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While in police custody, Appling…asked Officer Nathaniel Franco if her arrest would make the police blotter, requesting that the cop make his report “more interesting so that her arrest would make” the department’s compendium of notable incidents.